Heaven Help Us

July 17, 2021

There was a queue in Heaven. This might or might not be the Heaven you imagine, or are hoping for. It is merely a Heaven. I suppose it partly depends on your views on queueing.

The queue was not a physical queue, and would not have been even if Heaven had allowed such things. It was more of a backlog. Many individuals are just happy, nay relieved, to find themselves somewhere that doesn’t appear to consist of sulphurous fires and imps with pitchforks.

But then, at some point, they find out that this part of Heaven is just for dealing with arrivals. No decisions have been made, but it’s not Purgatory, because Purgatory does not exist. It is, to be certain, too late for the prayers of the living to come to your aid now. You rely on the unedited account of your life. Your actions, your attitudes.

In truth, everyone here was unable to fully grasp the situation, the new context they found themselves in. They brought baggage from their lives with them, and found it difficult to leave said baggage behind. And that’s how the problems started.

Witness an unfortunate family, who had met their fate on the way to the baptism of their second child. Due to the circumstances, the second child was absent from the queue, and this was immediately noticed. The litigious pater familias had wasted no time before starting legal proceedings against the Almighty, whom he assumed was the relevant CEO of this establishment

This sent ripples through the milling crowd. The man’s pleas were so well presented that many others, fearing an unwfavourable conclusion to their own upcoming trial, took the opportunity to act in their own defence, legally speaking. All this in the presence of the unfortunate entity charged with assessing the arrivals.

Blame was liberally scattered amongst the absent living, and the present dead. There were accusations and pile-ons. Spirits were cancelled and friendships quashed. Afterlives were entirely altered on the basis of a misplaced word or poorly worded phrase. Appeals to obscure rules changes and warranted exceptions were aired. The whole process looked set to collapse, so that no awaiting spirit might pass through the gates beyond. But such an outcome had been foretold. No accident was this. And it gradually dawned on all present that this was the Hell they thought they’d escaped.